When my wife and I first broke the news of her pregnancy, it seemed like our family and friends couldn't be happier.
The hugs, backslaps, and glad-handing were literally incessant for what seemed like weeks.
"Welcome to the club!" "Never thought you'd do it!" "It's about time!" were some of the phrases thrown out our way. The first one grabbed my attention, especially.
"Welcome to the club"...didn't know it was that exclusive.
Unfortunately, many people see it as just that.
Prior to Savannah's arrival, we were among the childless. The people who had things to talk about...travel, careers, and wine. Yet many parents go from that to kids, kids, kids.
Not that there's anything wrong with this. Marriage and family has always been a free-will choice, though some don't see it that way. Not then, and definitely not now.
Our society now accepts what were once considered social taboos. Mixed-race families. Families of same-sex couples. What's the key word here? Family.
With all that progress, why do some continue to ostracize those who choose to marry, but not procreate?
My wife and I have friendships with couples who have children and childless ones as well. We actively socialize with both camps and see them as the same.
Few things are more invasive than someone, usually already a parent, asking a childless couple if it plans on having children. If the answer is no, it opens up a whole can of worms. The questions gush forth.
"What, don't you like kids?" "Who's going to carry on the family name?" "Who's going to take care of you when you're old?" "You can't take it with you, you know!"
And on and on and on.
Those who are childless by choice are not selfish people. And we need to stop treating them like they are.
Let's say for a moment that we give the pro-family "minivan mob" the benefit of the doubt and declare the childless as selfish. If we pressure them hard enough to have a child, what kind of life is this child going to have?
Think about that for a moment.
The United States has more runaways, "throwaways" and even criminals in our juvenile justice system than any other country. What good are we doing society by jamming parenthood and family down the throats of those not willing to become parents? Just so they can hate and resent the offspring they accuse of stripping them of their dreams and goals to bring this person into the world, and possibly have that child be a drain on our already cash-strapped social welfare system?
Many childless by choice couples deserve our respect. They carefully consider the aspects of parenthood before making their decision. Here's some of what I heard:
Environmental, high risk due to ill health, financial, already caring for a parent or other family member, career-prohibitive, etc.
Then there are those who are medically unable to conceive a child. I don't lump those into 'childless by choice', but they too need to have their space.
The childless-by-choice make a great deal of contributions to our society. They promote the arts, public service, volunteer more, and have a greater amount of disposable income to drive our economy and sustain jobs. Some even decide in their later years to adopt one or more of the many 'throwaways' cruelly and carelessly discarded by their own flesh and blood.
What I'm trying to say here is "mind your own business".
If you have children, good for you. If you're childless by choice, good for you. You have my support either way.
NEXT WEEK: Marriage First, Kids Later
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
I'm Pregnant
No, I haven't pulled off some medical miracle, reminiscent of Arnold Schwartzenegger's box-office bomb "Junior."
It's the title of my first work, which will appear in the latest "Chicken Soup for the Soul" release, called "New Moms."
Having been inspired by a fellow blogger from my local area who had a story of her own published, I decided to write my own real-life story; that of a new dad's perception of his wife's thoughts when faced with a pregnancy for the very first time.
Without going into detail, because of course I want you to buy the book, the story begins with the discussion my wife and I had prior to our becoming parents on July 19, 2009 with the birth of our daughter, Savannah. Or for the pro-life movement, maybe we actually became parents in November of 2008. I don't know. Though I am Catholic, time-stamping the event was the least of my worries.
My wife and I married later in life. I had just turned 37 and she was going on 34. She was 36 at the time of Savannah's birth. In the span between these two wonderful events, we enjoyed our time together as a couple.
I think perhaps I enjoyed it more than she did. I relished the idea of being carefree and able to take off wherever we wanted, and when we wanted. We even came up with a name for it...The Adventures of Ken and Margie.
Then one day, she sat me down for 'the talk'. When were we going to talk about family?
She had that teary-eyed look that demanded that I not try and make a game or a joke out of it, though she does like my sense of humor.
I wasn't trying to avoid the issue. But having been around enough kids, I had had my fill of passive parents who let their children run wild with no concept of discipline whatsoever. There was no way on earth that I was going to enter parenthood with someone that embraced such a lackadaisical philosophy.
Much to my surprise, Margie told me that she wanted the same thing for our child.
"I'm not going to be one of 'those' parents," I said adamantly. "I'm going to be a strict parent, and my word is law. Even if it means spanking to get my point across. I've had enough of people who are too afraid to handle their children appropriately to correct ill-mannered behaviors."
"Honey...I get it. I want that too."
This was all I needed to hear. Nonetheless, I wasn't in a hurry to get things started. Finally, Margie one day took matters into her own hands and said she wanted us to start trying.
We were more fertile than we ever imagined, with Margie uttering the above title one November day.
Fear gave way to relief. It was meant to be. We had the happy and healthy little girl we both wanted that sunny July day.
NEXT WEEK: Cherishing the Childless
It's the title of my first work, which will appear in the latest "Chicken Soup for the Soul" release, called "New Moms."
Having been inspired by a fellow blogger from my local area who had a story of her own published, I decided to write my own real-life story; that of a new dad's perception of his wife's thoughts when faced with a pregnancy for the very first time.
Without going into detail, because of course I want you to buy the book, the story begins with the discussion my wife and I had prior to our becoming parents on July 19, 2009 with the birth of our daughter, Savannah. Or for the pro-life movement, maybe we actually became parents in November of 2008. I don't know. Though I am Catholic, time-stamping the event was the least of my worries.
My wife and I married later in life. I had just turned 37 and she was going on 34. She was 36 at the time of Savannah's birth. In the span between these two wonderful events, we enjoyed our time together as a couple.
I think perhaps I enjoyed it more than she did. I relished the idea of being carefree and able to take off wherever we wanted, and when we wanted. We even came up with a name for it...The Adventures of Ken and Margie.
Then one day, she sat me down for 'the talk'. When were we going to talk about family?
She had that teary-eyed look that demanded that I not try and make a game or a joke out of it, though she does like my sense of humor.
I wasn't trying to avoid the issue. But having been around enough kids, I had had my fill of passive parents who let their children run wild with no concept of discipline whatsoever. There was no way on earth that I was going to enter parenthood with someone that embraced such a lackadaisical philosophy.
Much to my surprise, Margie told me that she wanted the same thing for our child.
"I'm not going to be one of 'those' parents," I said adamantly. "I'm going to be a strict parent, and my word is law. Even if it means spanking to get my point across. I've had enough of people who are too afraid to handle their children appropriately to correct ill-mannered behaviors."
"Honey...I get it. I want that too."
This was all I needed to hear. Nonetheless, I wasn't in a hurry to get things started. Finally, Margie one day took matters into her own hands and said she wanted us to start trying.
We were more fertile than we ever imagined, with Margie uttering the above title one November day.
Fear gave way to relief. It was meant to be. We had the happy and healthy little girl we both wanted that sunny July day.
NEXT WEEK: Cherishing the Childless
Welcome Parents!
Well, here it is. My first attempt at this. On a real blogging site, that is.
Prior to my arrival here, I typed a weekly column for Facebook, and for MySpace prior to that.
Then earlier this year, I learned that a story that I had written for an upcoming new release of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" had been accepted for publication, and for those of you who enjoy those books, it's called "Chicken Soup for the Soul: New Moms" and will be available for sale on Tuesday, March 8, 2011.
The title of my story is "I'm Pregnant," which tells the story of a first-time mom's pregnancy as seen through the eyes of a new dad. I learned that there were only three other contributing authors to this upcoming release that are male. Way to go, guys! Let's reduce that estrogen level a bit, shall we?
I also shared a story for a special Valentine's Day Sunday Edition for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, on how my wife and I met online, then married.
That was all my wife needed to see.
She suggested that I actually put my words to a real blog site. "Who knows, you might make money at this!"
I have the feeling she's trying to tell me something.
Not that I object. An accountant's office across the road from my former home in Metro Detroit had a marquee sign out front, with changing messages each week.
One that still resonates is this "the secret to happiness is to find something that you truly enjoy doing and then get someone to pay you for doing it."
Who knows, maybe someone might read this and like or dislike what I have to say.
Heaven knows.
As my profile suggests, I am an old school dad. And in the coming weeks, you're going to find out why.
I invite you to return to this page every Sunday, and partake in the thoughts of a relatively new parent who believes we need a return to old-school discipline before the generation we'll someday depend upon to rule this world runs the work of eons into the ground.
Maybe I should have chosen "Old Codger" for a name, come to think of it.
NEXT WEEK: "I'm Pregnant"
Prior to my arrival here, I typed a weekly column for Facebook, and for MySpace prior to that.
Then earlier this year, I learned that a story that I had written for an upcoming new release of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" had been accepted for publication, and for those of you who enjoy those books, it's called "Chicken Soup for the Soul: New Moms" and will be available for sale on Tuesday, March 8, 2011.
The title of my story is "I'm Pregnant," which tells the story of a first-time mom's pregnancy as seen through the eyes of a new dad. I learned that there were only three other contributing authors to this upcoming release that are male. Way to go, guys! Let's reduce that estrogen level a bit, shall we?
I also shared a story for a special Valentine's Day Sunday Edition for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, on how my wife and I met online, then married.
That was all my wife needed to see.
She suggested that I actually put my words to a real blog site. "Who knows, you might make money at this!"
I have the feeling she's trying to tell me something.
Not that I object. An accountant's office across the road from my former home in Metro Detroit had a marquee sign out front, with changing messages each week.
One that still resonates is this "the secret to happiness is to find something that you truly enjoy doing and then get someone to pay you for doing it."
Who knows, maybe someone might read this and like or dislike what I have to say.
Heaven knows.
As my profile suggests, I am an old school dad. And in the coming weeks, you're going to find out why.
I invite you to return to this page every Sunday, and partake in the thoughts of a relatively new parent who believes we need a return to old-school discipline before the generation we'll someday depend upon to rule this world runs the work of eons into the ground.
Maybe I should have chosen "Old Codger" for a name, come to think of it.
NEXT WEEK: "I'm Pregnant"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)