When my wife and I first broke the news of her pregnancy, it seemed like our family and friends couldn't be happier.
The hugs, backslaps, and glad-handing were literally incessant for what seemed like weeks.
"Welcome to the club!" "Never thought you'd do it!" "It's about time!" were some of the phrases thrown out our way. The first one grabbed my attention, especially.
"Welcome to the club"...didn't know it was that exclusive.
Unfortunately, many people see it as just that.
Prior to Savannah's arrival, we were among the childless. The people who had things to talk about...travel, careers, and wine. Yet many parents go from that to kids, kids, kids.
Not that there's anything wrong with this. Marriage and family has always been a free-will choice, though some don't see it that way. Not then, and definitely not now.
Our society now accepts what were once considered social taboos. Mixed-race families. Families of same-sex couples. What's the key word here? Family.
With all that progress, why do some continue to ostracize those who choose to marry, but not procreate?
My wife and I have friendships with couples who have children and childless ones as well. We actively socialize with both camps and see them as the same.
Few things are more invasive than someone, usually already a parent, asking a childless couple if it plans on having children. If the answer is no, it opens up a whole can of worms. The questions gush forth.
"What, don't you like kids?" "Who's going to carry on the family name?" "Who's going to take care of you when you're old?" "You can't take it with you, you know!"
And on and on and on.
Those who are childless by choice are not selfish people. And we need to stop treating them like they are.
Let's say for a moment that we give the pro-family "minivan mob" the benefit of the doubt and declare the childless as selfish. If we pressure them hard enough to have a child, what kind of life is this child going to have?
Think about that for a moment.
The United States has more runaways, "throwaways" and even criminals in our juvenile justice system than any other country. What good are we doing society by jamming parenthood and family down the throats of those not willing to become parents? Just so they can hate and resent the offspring they accuse of stripping them of their dreams and goals to bring this person into the world, and possibly have that child be a drain on our already cash-strapped social welfare system?
Many childless by choice couples deserve our respect. They carefully consider the aspects of parenthood before making their decision. Here's some of what I heard:
Environmental, high risk due to ill health, financial, already caring for a parent or other family member, career-prohibitive, etc.
Then there are those who are medically unable to conceive a child. I don't lump those into 'childless by choice', but they too need to have their space.
The childless-by-choice make a great deal of contributions to our society. They promote the arts, public service, volunteer more, and have a greater amount of disposable income to drive our economy and sustain jobs. Some even decide in their later years to adopt one or more of the many 'throwaways' cruelly and carelessly discarded by their own flesh and blood.
What I'm trying to say here is "mind your own business".
If you have children, good for you. If you're childless by choice, good for you. You have my support either way.
NEXT WEEK: Marriage First, Kids Later
No comments:
Post a Comment