I live in one of the few states remaining in the country that allow public schoolteachers to call strikes to force demands on their administrators and the taxpayers who fund their salaries.
While I don't support the right to strike, I do recognize the fact that teachers are faced with more challenges than ever before when it comes to educating today's youth.
Having attended school in the 70s and 80s, the classroom structure of then is far different than today. The big difference was the relationship that parents had with teachers.
If your parents were telephoned by a teacher or principal about your behavior or classroom performance, you were sure to hear about it.
And you were shaking in your shelltoe Adidases when you did. Because your parents fingered you as the cause of the problem. The teacher was right, you were wrong. And you were expected to straighten up and fly right.
Corporal punishment at school was one thing. Dad's wrath was another matter altogether.
Teachers and parents were partners in their child's future. Children who weren't performing well often had their parents called in to school by teachers to try and work together to improve the pupil's progress. Those who were behaving badly, well...refer to what I said in the foregoing paragraph about Dad's wrath.
Children don't see teachers as allies, but rather as adversaries when it comes to their education. And parents have defected from the side of the teachers to that of their offspring.
Parents, though not given the professional recognition, are teachers too. Only their teaching is different. A professional educator teaches the reading, writing, 'rithmetic, while the parent takes care of everything else.
That landscape has changed. And it all comes down to the absence of accountability by parents.
No Child Left Behind is a great example. It does nothing but hamper the educational process of able or above-average students for the sake of another child that's performing below their ability level.
Indulge me while I put on my 'grumpy old man' hat and glasses for a moment.
In my day, we had remedial classes for students that were performing below the class average. This was held in the 'activity' period at the beginning or end of the class day, with one-on-one or one-on-two coaching by the teacher to try and develop a more sound foundation in the subject matter.
It didn't mean the kid was stupid, retarded, or deserved a like negative label. Yet a select group of parents appalled at their kids being singled out from their kids through selective classes insisted that the teacher not progress with their lessons any further until their kid was able to keep up.
If that day ever came, that is. The rest of the class suffered as a result. We're now seeing the ramifications of this.
Remedial classes were taken out of the schools and put into places like Sylvan Learning Center, which does provide an outstanding service. However, the absence of in-school enrichment instruction now causes parents (who didn't object to such in-school classes where they belonged) unfair financial burden.
Education of our children should not be a war. But as long as there are kids and authority figures, there will always be conflict.
But parents can serve as NATO. Working with teachers to help their child reach their full learning potential, will help parents steer their children to foster a desire to learn that they will carry for their entire life.
NEXT WEEK: Part II
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Playbook for Parents
It doesn't have to be in writing, but you should have one.
A set of guidelines and rules between you and your partner when it comes to raising your son or daughter.
And it's something that should be decided upon in advance, not learn-as-you go.
Children need rules. They need a defined set of standards at a very young age to properly function socially, and once learned and applied, they won't seem like rules.
It appalls me when I realize that some parents put off teaching manners to their offspring until almost compulsory school age. Then they're shocked when they run into disciplinary problems because their child, having had free rein of their young lives for so long, are suddenly beset with a household code of ethics. Please and thank you? Wipe my feet at the door? Wash my hands after going to the bathroom? Don't burp at the table or anywhere else? How dare you infringe on my freedom just because you're bigger than me!
When my wife and I first discussed family, I was upfront and honest that I was going to be a strict parent. Disobedience towards us would not be tolerated for any reason, nor would disrespect towards another adult that they or we know ('stranger danger' is for another day). And there would be consequences for infractions. Time-outs would be a start, and corporal punishment when all other forms of discipline had failed.
More importantly, we were to have each other's back. As in, what one of us initiated, the other was to follow through with and fully support. Thus eliminating chances of 'pitting' one parent against the other.
Allowing your child to be mean or disrespectful to you or another person is not letting them 'express' themselves. Rules, when properly applied and executed, aren't meant to kill confidence or break spirit. Your responsibility is to raise a child into a mature adult that is a responsible and productive member of society.
If you believe a lack of rules is an essential means of building confidence, think about this for a moment...your sawed-off first-grade runt of a son running off at the mouth at a passive second-grader with a little more meat on his bones...whom your kid has provoked into the right amount of confidence needed to rapidly pummel your little rug-rat into the ground with his pinkie finger.
Now all that confidence didn't keep your kid from getting a black eye, fat lip, or a bloody nose, did it?
Yeah, I'll wait for you to get him the tissues and ice pack.
Write the book. Then memorize it. And apply it.
NEXT WEEK: Whose Side Are You On?
A set of guidelines and rules between you and your partner when it comes to raising your son or daughter.
And it's something that should be decided upon in advance, not learn-as-you go.
Children need rules. They need a defined set of standards at a very young age to properly function socially, and once learned and applied, they won't seem like rules.
It appalls me when I realize that some parents put off teaching manners to their offspring until almost compulsory school age. Then they're shocked when they run into disciplinary problems because their child, having had free rein of their young lives for so long, are suddenly beset with a household code of ethics. Please and thank you? Wipe my feet at the door? Wash my hands after going to the bathroom? Don't burp at the table or anywhere else? How dare you infringe on my freedom just because you're bigger than me!
When my wife and I first discussed family, I was upfront and honest that I was going to be a strict parent. Disobedience towards us would not be tolerated for any reason, nor would disrespect towards another adult that they or we know ('stranger danger' is for another day). And there would be consequences for infractions. Time-outs would be a start, and corporal punishment when all other forms of discipline had failed.
More importantly, we were to have each other's back. As in, what one of us initiated, the other was to follow through with and fully support. Thus eliminating chances of 'pitting' one parent against the other.
Allowing your child to be mean or disrespectful to you or another person is not letting them 'express' themselves. Rules, when properly applied and executed, aren't meant to kill confidence or break spirit. Your responsibility is to raise a child into a mature adult that is a responsible and productive member of society.
If you believe a lack of rules is an essential means of building confidence, think about this for a moment...your sawed-off first-grade runt of a son running off at the mouth at a passive second-grader with a little more meat on his bones...whom your kid has provoked into the right amount of confidence needed to rapidly pummel your little rug-rat into the ground with his pinkie finger.
Now all that confidence didn't keep your kid from getting a black eye, fat lip, or a bloody nose, did it?
Yeah, I'll wait for you to get him the tissues and ice pack.
Write the book. Then memorize it. And apply it.
NEXT WEEK: Whose Side Are You On?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
No "Easy" Button Here
You might remember those TV commercials for Staples, the office equipment and supply concern, with the 'easy' button to press in times of crisis, presumably to make your life better. As long as you bought their product, anyway.
There is no 'easy' button to calm a crying baby or an angry spouse, or whip out a large wad of cash from hammerspace to pay for what your child wants. While some aspects of parenting get easier with time, others tend to get more challenging as the years wear on.
However, this doesn't stop parents from finding shortcuts.
The 'shortcuts' are, specifically, excuses often made by parents for actions seen by others as manipulation or submission, depending on the scenario.
Yet these actions all carry the same phrase:
"It's easier for us if..."
Bully for you. It's easier for YOU. Newsflash, people! The day you became a parent, it stopped being about YOU.
You want it to be about you? Fine. Get this through YOUR head...NOW.
Because YOUR 'ease' came at the expense of another person.
Possibly a parent, who was kind enough to watch your kid for the day. Then YOU called and said YOU wanted to do something with YOUR spouse, and YOU weren't going to be done until late, so it would be easier FOR YOU to come back the following morning on your way to work.
Being a grandparent does not translate into a free babysitting service. They paid their dues years ago. And YOU should be thankful you're still alive, with all the hell YOU put them through.
I think I've made my point.
Or, maybe your kid threw a temper tantrum in a store because you wouldn't buy them the latest toy 'everyone else' has or the sugar-soaked cereal they so desperately crave. No, you can't haul off and smack a kid in the middle of a store, but there are no witnesses in the car! It all depends on where you park!
But no, we put it on our Visa to keep them quiet and happy, and hope and pray to God they don't scream the words in your direction that can cut like a knife:
"I HATE YOU!"
They may not say it, but they'll feel it or imply it, whether they mean it or not. And that's OK. Because they, like you, will quickly get over it. They don't have a choice. Hey, they depend on you for food, clothing and shelter.
Submitting to the will of your child for the sake of your own self-worth as a parent does your child no favors whatsoever. If you don't tell your child 'no', they will be so ill-prepared for when they become adults and no one caters to their every whim. It will hamper them socially on all levels, and yes, professionally.
Here's an example: work in a call center for a day and have to tell a customer that they won't get their way...to their specifications (which may involve waiting...oh the horror). The reaction is typically that of a spoiled child.
It carries into adulthood and proliferates the 'I want what I want when I want it' mentality polluting our society today.
Many parents have told me personally that if they tell their child no, then they won't have a bond of trust with their child, one that they hope will have their child coming to them and telling everything.
Here's some more news for you: If you honestly believe that by doing this, your child will offer up information on every single aspect of his or her personal life, especially during adolescence, you've broken new ground in naivete.
Your job is to be a parent. Not a peer. They have classmates for that.
Your child will be forced to make decisions at least one point in his or her adolescent life that may contradict the very values you instilled in their upbringing. Short of locking your kid up in the house until they turn 18, you will not be there at the moment of truth.
And there's nothing you can do about it...other than trust that your son or daughter will make good decisions.
Stung by any of this?
Sorry, but the truth sometimes can hurt.
Don't like me for it?
Here's my advice:
Cry me a river. Then build a bridge. And get over it.
NEXT WEEK: Parental Playbook
There is no 'easy' button to calm a crying baby or an angry spouse, or whip out a large wad of cash from hammerspace to pay for what your child wants. While some aspects of parenting get easier with time, others tend to get more challenging as the years wear on.
However, this doesn't stop parents from finding shortcuts.
The 'shortcuts' are, specifically, excuses often made by parents for actions seen by others as manipulation or submission, depending on the scenario.
Yet these actions all carry the same phrase:
"It's easier for us if..."
Bully for you. It's easier for YOU. Newsflash, people! The day you became a parent, it stopped being about YOU.
You want it to be about you? Fine. Get this through YOUR head...NOW.
Because YOUR 'ease' came at the expense of another person.
Possibly a parent, who was kind enough to watch your kid for the day. Then YOU called and said YOU wanted to do something with YOUR spouse, and YOU weren't going to be done until late, so it would be easier FOR YOU to come back the following morning on your way to work.
Being a grandparent does not translate into a free babysitting service. They paid their dues years ago. And YOU should be thankful you're still alive, with all the hell YOU put them through.
I think I've made my point.
Or, maybe your kid threw a temper tantrum in a store because you wouldn't buy them the latest toy 'everyone else' has or the sugar-soaked cereal they so desperately crave. No, you can't haul off and smack a kid in the middle of a store, but there are no witnesses in the car! It all depends on where you park!
But no, we put it on our Visa to keep them quiet and happy, and hope and pray to God they don't scream the words in your direction that can cut like a knife:
"I HATE YOU!"
They may not say it, but they'll feel it or imply it, whether they mean it or not. And that's OK. Because they, like you, will quickly get over it. They don't have a choice. Hey, they depend on you for food, clothing and shelter.
Submitting to the will of your child for the sake of your own self-worth as a parent does your child no favors whatsoever. If you don't tell your child 'no', they will be so ill-prepared for when they become adults and no one caters to their every whim. It will hamper them socially on all levels, and yes, professionally.
Here's an example: work in a call center for a day and have to tell a customer that they won't get their way...to their specifications (which may involve waiting...oh the horror). The reaction is typically that of a spoiled child.
It carries into adulthood and proliferates the 'I want what I want when I want it' mentality polluting our society today.
Many parents have told me personally that if they tell their child no, then they won't have a bond of trust with their child, one that they hope will have their child coming to them and telling everything.
Here's some more news for you: If you honestly believe that by doing this, your child will offer up information on every single aspect of his or her personal life, especially during adolescence, you've broken new ground in naivete.
Your job is to be a parent. Not a peer. They have classmates for that.
Your child will be forced to make decisions at least one point in his or her adolescent life that may contradict the very values you instilled in their upbringing. Short of locking your kid up in the house until they turn 18, you will not be there at the moment of truth.
And there's nothing you can do about it...other than trust that your son or daughter will make good decisions.
Stung by any of this?
Sorry, but the truth sometimes can hurt.
Don't like me for it?
Here's my advice:
Cry me a river. Then build a bridge. And get over it.
NEXT WEEK: Parental Playbook
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Are You Strong Enough?
It's come to my attention that a growing number of people see parenthood as a cure-all to more serious problems in a relationship.
More than half the marriages in this country end in divorce. Sadly, our society does little to bolster the belief of why people should get married, thus resulting in more births out of wedlock.
Granted, children born out of wedlock no longer carries the social stigma it once did years ago, but the reasons for it still remain 'the elephant in the room' that no one seems to want to discuss.
We have one-parent families, unmarried heterosexual partners living in the same household with children, non-cohabitating unmarried parents who split custody, and families headed by same-sex couples. The 'business model' of families has changed drastically over the course of just a generation.
Notwithstanding, history has proven over and over again that the strongest possible family unit comes from two married parents committed to one another and living under the same roof.
Committed to one another...think about that one for a moment.
This brings me back to the day I got married...and the three sessions we had with my wife's pastor (we're of a mixed-faith marriage) prior to our wedding day. His words still ring clear...and true:
"The number one reason that couples don't stay together is selfishness".
And I hear arguments from both sides as to why not to get married. "I'm not anyone's personal property", "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I love my partner", "I don't want to change my last name", "I'll never afford the wedding I want, so why bother?"
What do all those statements have in common?
You guessed it.
Selfishness.
The word "I" is prevalent in each of these scenarios.
Marriage is a bond that requires strength, courage, and commitment to truly work. It brings couples together legally, along with money and property. It's not designed to be an 'at-will' employment contract, where the relationship is terminated upon the request of either party.
It's a pact that represents selflessness. Parenthood itself is an act that requires selflessness. If you're not selfless enough to marry your partner, how are you selfless enough to have a child?
Unresolved issues in relationships that lead to divorce will never be solved by having a child. Unless the exact root cause of your relationship's distress is the lack of a child.
If you're not confident enough in your partner to walk them down the aisle, you're not confident enough in them period. Time to move on.
Glands calling to glands was not ever, is not now, and never will be love. Only biology.
Yes, it's hard. But this life was never meant to be easy, and nothing worthwhile ever is.
NEXT WEEK: Not About You
More than half the marriages in this country end in divorce. Sadly, our society does little to bolster the belief of why people should get married, thus resulting in more births out of wedlock.
Granted, children born out of wedlock no longer carries the social stigma it once did years ago, but the reasons for it still remain 'the elephant in the room' that no one seems to want to discuss.
We have one-parent families, unmarried heterosexual partners living in the same household with children, non-cohabitating unmarried parents who split custody, and families headed by same-sex couples. The 'business model' of families has changed drastically over the course of just a generation.
Notwithstanding, history has proven over and over again that the strongest possible family unit comes from two married parents committed to one another and living under the same roof.
Committed to one another...think about that one for a moment.
This brings me back to the day I got married...and the three sessions we had with my wife's pastor (we're of a mixed-faith marriage) prior to our wedding day. His words still ring clear...and true:
"The number one reason that couples don't stay together is selfishness".
And I hear arguments from both sides as to why not to get married. "I'm not anyone's personal property", "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I love my partner", "I don't want to change my last name", "I'll never afford the wedding I want, so why bother?"
What do all those statements have in common?
You guessed it.
Selfishness.
The word "I" is prevalent in each of these scenarios.
Marriage is a bond that requires strength, courage, and commitment to truly work. It brings couples together legally, along with money and property. It's not designed to be an 'at-will' employment contract, where the relationship is terminated upon the request of either party.
It's a pact that represents selflessness. Parenthood itself is an act that requires selflessness. If you're not selfless enough to marry your partner, how are you selfless enough to have a child?
Unresolved issues in relationships that lead to divorce will never be solved by having a child. Unless the exact root cause of your relationship's distress is the lack of a child.
If you're not confident enough in your partner to walk them down the aisle, you're not confident enough in them period. Time to move on.
Glands calling to glands was not ever, is not now, and never will be love. Only biology.
Yes, it's hard. But this life was never meant to be easy, and nothing worthwhile ever is.
NEXT WEEK: Not About You
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