You might remember those TV commercials for Staples, the office equipment and supply concern, with the 'easy' button to press in times of crisis, presumably to make your life better. As long as you bought their product, anyway.
There is no 'easy' button to calm a crying baby or an angry spouse, or whip out a large wad of cash from hammerspace to pay for what your child wants. While some aspects of parenting get easier with time, others tend to get more challenging as the years wear on.
However, this doesn't stop parents from finding shortcuts.
The 'shortcuts' are, specifically, excuses often made by parents for actions seen by others as manipulation or submission, depending on the scenario.
Yet these actions all carry the same phrase:
"It's easier for us if..."
Bully for you. It's easier for YOU. Newsflash, people! The day you became a parent, it stopped being about YOU.
You want it to be about you? Fine. Get this through YOUR head...NOW.
Because YOUR 'ease' came at the expense of another person.
Possibly a parent, who was kind enough to watch your kid for the day. Then YOU called and said YOU wanted to do something with YOUR spouse, and YOU weren't going to be done until late, so it would be easier FOR YOU to come back the following morning on your way to work.
Being a grandparent does not translate into a free babysitting service. They paid their dues years ago. And YOU should be thankful you're still alive, with all the hell YOU put them through.
I think I've made my point.
Or, maybe your kid threw a temper tantrum in a store because you wouldn't buy them the latest toy 'everyone else' has or the sugar-soaked cereal they so desperately crave. No, you can't haul off and smack a kid in the middle of a store, but there are no witnesses in the car! It all depends on where you park!
But no, we put it on our Visa to keep them quiet and happy, and hope and pray to God they don't scream the words in your direction that can cut like a knife:
"I HATE YOU!"
They may not say it, but they'll feel it or imply it, whether they mean it or not. And that's OK. Because they, like you, will quickly get over it. They don't have a choice. Hey, they depend on you for food, clothing and shelter.
Submitting to the will of your child for the sake of your own self-worth as a parent does your child no favors whatsoever. If you don't tell your child 'no', they will be so ill-prepared for when they become adults and no one caters to their every whim. It will hamper them socially on all levels, and yes, professionally.
Here's an example: work in a call center for a day and have to tell a customer that they won't get their way...to their specifications (which may involve waiting...oh the horror). The reaction is typically that of a spoiled child.
It carries into adulthood and proliferates the 'I want what I want when I want it' mentality polluting our society today.
Many parents have told me personally that if they tell their child no, then they won't have a bond of trust with their child, one that they hope will have their child coming to them and telling everything.
Here's some more news for you: If you honestly believe that by doing this, your child will offer up information on every single aspect of his or her personal life, especially during adolescence, you've broken new ground in naivete.
Your job is to be a parent. Not a peer. They have classmates for that.
Your child will be forced to make decisions at least one point in his or her adolescent life that may contradict the very values you instilled in their upbringing. Short of locking your kid up in the house until they turn 18, you will not be there at the moment of truth.
And there's nothing you can do about it...other than trust that your son or daughter will make good decisions.
Stung by any of this?
Sorry, but the truth sometimes can hurt.
Don't like me for it?
Here's my advice:
Cry me a river. Then build a bridge. And get over it.
NEXT WEEK: Parental Playbook
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