Now that you've gotten over the shock, outrage, guilt, horror and the myriad of emotions that only the most unplanned of unplanned pregnancies brings, what do you do?
Keep it to raise, or give it up for adoption?
You choose abortion, you're on your own.
Keeping the child must be a mutual decision. Granted, it's your daughter's child, but it must be stated that your daughter too, is still a child.
First and foremost, keep at hand the advice I repetitively hand out:
It's Not About You.
This pregnancy should never be treated as an opportunity for prolonged youth by the unborn child's grandparents, or as a financial means-to-an-end for a teen mother seeing subsequent social security income as a way to assert her independence from her parents and avoid work.
Don't forget about your own retirement. That carefully-charted course you planned for your sunset years has been all but rudely interrupted.
If you all mutually decide to keep the baby, here are the details you need to work out:
Your daughter still needs a high school education. Not having one will severely handicap her not just in the job market, but in life, as technology rapidly advances and she is not properly prepared for life on her own.
She will not be able to attend school with her classmates if both her parents work outside the home during the day. Can your household survive on one income? Is a shift change possible? Is another family member willing to help?
Your daughter also needs to know that when school is not in session, she will be expected to deal with her child when she comes home. If she has homework or needs study time, she gets a set amount of it and will be expected to adhere to it. And she will be expected to keep her grades up.
The father of the child, just because he chooses to 'run out', should not be allowed to get off the hook. He created that life in equal measure, and should share that responsibility accordingly. Even if it means legal action against his parents.
If your daughter wants to continue her education after graduation, make it clear to her that you will only help raise her child...not raise it for her. She will be expected to continue raising her child while going to school. And the college experience as she's been conditioned by her peers to see it will never apply to her.
Say goodbye to the dorm at State, and say hello to the bus pass at community.
This is reality, pure and simple. Lots of lives are affected here.
It should also be noted that your daughter should not be perpetually punished for wanting to keep her baby...provided she's the one keeping it, and not you.
It should also be noted that it was not your choice for her to have this child. Why should she stick it with you while she goes out galavanting like she has a second chance at carefree youth?
These are issues that need addressed with your daughter sooner, rather than later. Childbirth should never be part of the childhood experience. Remind her of this.
If she's not prepared to deal with the challenges relative to parenthood, she needs to look at adoption. We'll address that next week.
NEXT WEEK: What I just said. Or, Part III.
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