You'll forgive my absence last week. As it was "Father's Day", the last thing I wanted to do was write a column when I could spend a little quality time with my family.
That said, down to business.
I think all fathers should play an active role in toilet training their kids. They come up with these cutesy little rhymes and songs to encourage tinkling and other functions while on board the porcelain rhinoceros.
Forget that.
All we have to do guys, is just be ourselves.
Without getting too gross, think about how much time you spend on the can for your 'morning ritual', with the magazine rack by your side and the roll of toilet paper above it.
And the time you spend 'grunting' before the desired 'results' are achieved.
The grunting is a fun part for me. I squat on the floor in front of my soon-to-be two-year-old daughter, grunting until the vein in the center of my forehead pops out, and my wife trying to stifle her giggles at the sight.
The one not stifling is Savannah. She lets fly a spate of giggling as she's watching her father risk a stroke for the sake of getting her to go the big girl way.
Big-boy style, that is.
And two weeks ago, it finally paid off. Though three weeks ago, she did do "Number One", which earned her an Elmo sticker.
After breakfast, I watched her go into 'grunt mode' as she finished her last bite of oatmeal. I immediately took her to the bathroom and stripped her down, placed her on the seat, and gave her my best 'grunt'.
She giggled and returned the gesture in kind.
Plunk...then splash.
Woo hoo!
Doing a visual 'confirmation', I expressed my excitement and complimented her accordingly. She probably didn't understand what there was to be so excited about, but I'm sure it's a story she'll be willing to forget in her future years.
Especially when prospective suitors arrive on my doorstep. And I will be prepared to tell it...verbatim.
"Mom! Tell Dad to stop it!"
Heh heh heh.
TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY: Graduation Party
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
The Original is Still the Best
In the beginning, there were the 13 colonies, that would one day make up an entirely new nation far different than its beginnings in the 17th century.
One thing that did not change was the colonial attitude towards education. Puritan law dictated, over time, that each town must have a school...where young people were taught to read and write, as well as add and subtract.
We've come a long way, baby.
Public schools funded by tax dollars still exist, but today parents want more input in their child's education. We now have options such as home-schooling, cyber-education, private schools, and other options.
Most of the complaints I hear from parents is their fears of bullying by out-of-control youngsters who are improperly parented, attitudes of indifference from teachers, and apathetic administrators.
The bottom line is this...education is education is education.
The public school education system in our country works, with standards set by the U.S. Department of Education and other standards set at the state level. If your child doesn't progress properly, they fail.
Fail...as in 'flunk'. Not 'held back' as some parents like to say.
No one other than the child determines his or her progress. A child won't learn if she or she doesn't want to. This begins at home.
Take an active role in your child's education and learning process. Don't ever assume that just because you excelled in school, your child will do likewise.
Many parents make the mistake of forcing education on their children, metaphorically doing things like shoving flash cards down their throats the moment they come out of the womb, and woe to them if they don't demonstrate an immediate interest and desire to learn.
Children will learn better when their achievements are celebrated, rather than derided. They may excel at reading and writing, but may fall short in math and science.
While the latter two are important, it's important to choose your words carefully when telling them that improvement is needed in these areas.
RIGHT: "Good work on your reading and writing...I'm glad you're making progress. Is the work coming easy to you? I did see that we need a little work in your math and science studies. Is there anything I can do to help you with that?"
WRONG: "I can't believe your failing in this...what's so hard for you to understand about it? I never had any problem in those subjects."
And of course, always avoid name-calling and negative sounding adjectives. Your child needs to know you love them unconditionally, and they need to know they're not stupid.
Academic failure does not automatically label one as stupid. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and some students learn differently than others. Poor aptitude and an inadequate foundation in the affected subject matter are the building blocks to better progress.
Talk to your child's principal or guidance counselor about it. Alternative education is available from most Intermediate Units that assist schools in providing a better foundation to promote student focus.
And the beauty of it is, these services are already paid for by your tax dollars. You don't have to pay a fortune for tutors or private schools to help your child do better.
All you have to do is listen to your child. Who knows, you might both learn something.
NEXT WEEK: Potty Party
One thing that did not change was the colonial attitude towards education. Puritan law dictated, over time, that each town must have a school...where young people were taught to read and write, as well as add and subtract.
We've come a long way, baby.
Public schools funded by tax dollars still exist, but today parents want more input in their child's education. We now have options such as home-schooling, cyber-education, private schools, and other options.
Most of the complaints I hear from parents is their fears of bullying by out-of-control youngsters who are improperly parented, attitudes of indifference from teachers, and apathetic administrators.
The bottom line is this...education is education is education.
The public school education system in our country works, with standards set by the U.S. Department of Education and other standards set at the state level. If your child doesn't progress properly, they fail.
Fail...as in 'flunk'. Not 'held back' as some parents like to say.
No one other than the child determines his or her progress. A child won't learn if she or she doesn't want to. This begins at home.
Take an active role in your child's education and learning process. Don't ever assume that just because you excelled in school, your child will do likewise.
Many parents make the mistake of forcing education on their children, metaphorically doing things like shoving flash cards down their throats the moment they come out of the womb, and woe to them if they don't demonstrate an immediate interest and desire to learn.
Children will learn better when their achievements are celebrated, rather than derided. They may excel at reading and writing, but may fall short in math and science.
While the latter two are important, it's important to choose your words carefully when telling them that improvement is needed in these areas.
RIGHT: "Good work on your reading and writing...I'm glad you're making progress. Is the work coming easy to you? I did see that we need a little work in your math and science studies. Is there anything I can do to help you with that?"
WRONG: "I can't believe your failing in this...what's so hard for you to understand about it? I never had any problem in those subjects."
And of course, always avoid name-calling and negative sounding adjectives. Your child needs to know you love them unconditionally, and they need to know they're not stupid.
Academic failure does not automatically label one as stupid. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and some students learn differently than others. Poor aptitude and an inadequate foundation in the affected subject matter are the building blocks to better progress.
Talk to your child's principal or guidance counselor about it. Alternative education is available from most Intermediate Units that assist schools in providing a better foundation to promote student focus.
And the beauty of it is, these services are already paid for by your tax dollars. You don't have to pay a fortune for tutors or private schools to help your child do better.
All you have to do is listen to your child. Who knows, you might both learn something.
NEXT WEEK: Potty Party
Sunday, June 5, 2011
"I'm Pregnant, Daddy"...Part III
At last, the final installment of the series.
Your family has made the decision to give up your daughter's child for adoption.
Let me first congratulate you on making an intelligent, well-informed decision.
Despite all the progress we've made as a society, it never ceases to amaze me how much some people tend to look down on those who make a decision to terminate their role as a parent, a far better alternative than terminating a life. Yet those who make such decisions are treated as selfish. I couldn't disagree more.
Giving a child up for adoption isn't giving up on the child. But rather, giving the child a chance at a better life...one that could be best achieved now rather than later, with the innocent being possibly being subject to abuse by a parent hamstringed by what society wants, rather than what they want.
The fact of the matter is, there are some people in this world who are not meant to be parents. Proof positive of this is an overburdened and underfunded foster care system. Yet the most closed-minded won't own up to the fact that it does exist, and there are no socioeconomic barriers.
Then there are others who would pay all the money they have in the world to have a child of their own, but can't, because of medical reasons or the like.
If your daughter is considering adoption, here are some factors to consider:
Your daughter is giving up this child PERMANENTLY. Once the courts finalize the adoption, the adoptive parents have exactly the same legal rights as the natural parents. Your daughter must realize that she cannot give up her child and then show up on the adoptive parents' doorstep a few years later, wanting the child back, disrupting that child's life in the process.
THAT is selfish.
Call your local Children and Youth Services agency. Tell them you want to give up the child for adoption but that you want the child placed in a good home that has the ability to provide for the child. If they're not able to accomodate this, they're likely able to steer you towards an agency that can.
CYS officials will take a keen interest in your daughter's pregnancy. They will know what questions to ask prospective adoptive parents. Things like would they be prepared to raise a special-needs child if something went wrong during birth or at some point in the child's development?
Your daughter must also treat her body and the child it's carrying as if she is keeping the baby. Just because she's not keeping the child doesn't absolve her from putting the wrong substances or foods into her body.
Even if the father runs out on your daughter, he too must sign off on his own legal rights to the child, if he doesn't desire to keep it. And if he does want to keep it, he had better be prepared to offer financial support and be a real father to this child.
And if necessary, to do so in writing. Refer to my previous columns for more on this. It's too easy for the father to make promises to reverse the mother's decision, then eases himself out because he doesn't want the responsibility.
It also must impressed upon all parties involved that at the point the decision is made to put the child up for adoption, the adoptive parents must be treated as the natural parents, and that your daughter's role at this point is that of a surrogate mother.
This must not be forgotten, especially when she goes into labor. It's too easy to want to hold the baby once it's born and let infatuation take the place of common sense.
As soon as the baby's born, the nurse and midwife should be directed to take the child from the delivery room immediately, and to shut the door behind them.
Getting through all of this will not be easy. Provided that you remember this pretext:
"I didn't give up my child...I gave my child more".
That, in and of itself, is a truly selfless act.
NEXT WEEK: Old School...still the best school.
Your family has made the decision to give up your daughter's child for adoption.
Let me first congratulate you on making an intelligent, well-informed decision.
Despite all the progress we've made as a society, it never ceases to amaze me how much some people tend to look down on those who make a decision to terminate their role as a parent, a far better alternative than terminating a life. Yet those who make such decisions are treated as selfish. I couldn't disagree more.
Giving a child up for adoption isn't giving up on the child. But rather, giving the child a chance at a better life...one that could be best achieved now rather than later, with the innocent being possibly being subject to abuse by a parent hamstringed by what society wants, rather than what they want.
The fact of the matter is, there are some people in this world who are not meant to be parents. Proof positive of this is an overburdened and underfunded foster care system. Yet the most closed-minded won't own up to the fact that it does exist, and there are no socioeconomic barriers.
Then there are others who would pay all the money they have in the world to have a child of their own, but can't, because of medical reasons or the like.
If your daughter is considering adoption, here are some factors to consider:
Your daughter is giving up this child PERMANENTLY. Once the courts finalize the adoption, the adoptive parents have exactly the same legal rights as the natural parents. Your daughter must realize that she cannot give up her child and then show up on the adoptive parents' doorstep a few years later, wanting the child back, disrupting that child's life in the process.
THAT is selfish.
Call your local Children and Youth Services agency. Tell them you want to give up the child for adoption but that you want the child placed in a good home that has the ability to provide for the child. If they're not able to accomodate this, they're likely able to steer you towards an agency that can.
CYS officials will take a keen interest in your daughter's pregnancy. They will know what questions to ask prospective adoptive parents. Things like would they be prepared to raise a special-needs child if something went wrong during birth or at some point in the child's development?
Your daughter must also treat her body and the child it's carrying as if she is keeping the baby. Just because she's not keeping the child doesn't absolve her from putting the wrong substances or foods into her body.
Even if the father runs out on your daughter, he too must sign off on his own legal rights to the child, if he doesn't desire to keep it. And if he does want to keep it, he had better be prepared to offer financial support and be a real father to this child.
And if necessary, to do so in writing. Refer to my previous columns for more on this. It's too easy for the father to make promises to reverse the mother's decision, then eases himself out because he doesn't want the responsibility.
It also must impressed upon all parties involved that at the point the decision is made to put the child up for adoption, the adoptive parents must be treated as the natural parents, and that your daughter's role at this point is that of a surrogate mother.
This must not be forgotten, especially when she goes into labor. It's too easy to want to hold the baby once it's born and let infatuation take the place of common sense.
As soon as the baby's born, the nurse and midwife should be directed to take the child from the delivery room immediately, and to shut the door behind them.
Getting through all of this will not be easy. Provided that you remember this pretext:
"I didn't give up my child...I gave my child more".
That, in and of itself, is a truly selfless act.
NEXT WEEK: Old School...still the best school.
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