The Promise of the Prom

Make no mistake, these are the best years of your child's life.
"What exactly are the halcyon days of my youth," asks the first namesake in the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip of his father.  "Is Saturday one?"
"I believe they're awarded retroactively when you grow up," is Calvin's dad's reply.
And one is definitely the prom.
Despite the changing of the generations, this little aspect of high school life has changed little over the years.
Long lines at the tuxedo rental shop and at the florist.  Those with tickets getting out of school for half the day in order to get ready.
Washing and waxing the family car, or a nicer vehicle if an extended family member was willing to provide one.
There was the prom...and if your school was fortunate enough, there was the after-prom party that lasted all night and into the early morning hours.
This was the school's way of ensuring that kids didn't continue the fun with an all-night beer blast afterwards, keeping the fun in a relatively controlled environment.
When the chaperones opened the doors and the bleary-eyed couples, with ties undone and high heels in hand, yawned their ways towards the parking lot and to their waiting cars.  Or limos to the more fortunate ones.
Then came breakfast and then taking your date back to their home.
For some, the fun didn't end.
After a quick nap, barely enough time to recharge, many friends regrouped later in the day for a picnic, party or  day at the lake.
The point of all this is, reflect on yours as a time of happiness that you will fail to forget.  And, share it with your son or daughter.
And that fact that you did it without alcohol.
Lie about it if you have to.
Yes, you heard that correctly.
According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, between 2006 and 2010, the month of May had the most alcohol-related traffic fatalities for 16-to-19 year-old during the school year.
And let your child know that you understand how easily kids are led by peer pressure.  Even those who grow up in households with the most solid moral foundations are susceptible.
Yes, even yours.  Don't even think for a minute that they aren't.
Avoid the 'not my kid' approach.  Regardless of what you think, your child is making much of his or her own decisions now.  And without you.
Tell your child that you respect him or her enough to make the right decisions, but that you'll still be there for them.
If they run into trouble, such as drinking alcohol, or saying to 'friends' who boot them from their car to the side of the road, they can still call home.
And when they do, tell them you'll be right there.
And then shut up...for the time being.
That's what I said.
No questions asked.
If you want to talk about it, do it later.  Like when you've had time to wrap your brain around it and offer your child a chance to explain it later.
And do so in a calm, rational manner.  Don't just talk.  Listen as well.
Your child already knows what pushes your buttons.  After all, they've known you their entire lives.  And you should know what pushes theirs in kind.
If you don't, you need to get to understand your child better.
The day will come when they will transcend the parent-child relationship in adulthood, when you both will be peers.
Scary thought, isn't it?
Adolescence is a time when those who are a part of it are caught between boy and man and girl and woman.  How many times have you said to your own child "if you want to be treated like a grownup, act like one!"
And how many times have you, as an adult, gotten behind the wheel of a car after drinking, having second thoughts about doing so, yet did it anyway?
Is that acting like a responsible adult?
Yeah, the pot just called the kettle black now, didn't it?



NEXT WEEK:  Partnership in Parenting