Are You Ready?

This one's for all you single guys who have never been married nor have had any children.  But you're about to take that giant leap.
Marriage.  Then kids.
And then there's some of you who might decide that you don't mind dating someone who already has kids.
You might not get serious about it, but it will open your eyes.
Dating single moms is unlike any other dating experience you will ever have.
Spontaneous, are ya?  Better rid yourself of that right off the bat. And here's a Top Ten list to get you started.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE DATING A 'MOM' WHEN...

10.  She is either constantly texting or on a cell phone throughout the date...with her kids or their caregiver.
9.    She brings a gym bag full of extra clothing on an "outdoors" date, for herself AND you.
8.    Your plans take a backseat to whatever happens in her kids' lives at any given moment...sometimes at the very last minute.
7.    She does not know (or care) that she's wearing 'mom jeans'.
6.    Most of her footwear is made up of flip-flops and 'backless' shoes.
5.    She flat-out asks you if you expect sex on an 'overnight' date.  
4.    She could care less of what you think of her 'practical' family car.
3.    If you're stuck in a traffic jam and in danger of missing your dinner reservation, she offers you crackers she keeps in her purse and, if you do lose the reservation, it's not the end of the world.
2.    She doesn't mind where the date is, as long as it's 'out' and with adult company.
1.    She hints to you that her kids come first...and means it.

Personally, I didn't avail myself to single moms until about a decade ago, once I noticed how much the dating pool had shrunk for childless single men my age (I was 32 going on 33) or near it.  And after going out with a few single moms, it did open my eyes.
Though I ultimately married a single woman close to my own age who had no children, I began to appreciate the single mom and how much different she is compared to the single childless woman.
A single mom is incapable of B.S.  She's heard the stupid pick-up lines.  After all, she had kids with a man who didn't measure up in the end.  She sees the world with different eyes than she did when she first married.
And if you've dated single childless women with high standards, prepare to go higher...way WAY higher.
There are no games here.  Don't even bother trying to fool her...you won't succeed.
She doesn't 'date' if she can avoid it.  You may go out on a date with her, and you should consider it a privilege to be on one with her.
You most likely will have been 'fixed up' by a mutual friend or met online.  She will have done her homework on you first.  And if you've met her in a bar, she will likely want to get to know you there, and then decide from there if she wants to go on a date with you.
If you're fortunate enough to get that date, it's one thing.  For her to accept another one is another.
Because you will likely be the only one from that point on.
And she will expect it of you in kind, though she might not say it outright.
You will have to live in the shadow of her previous mate.  You will have to accept the fact that you are second to her children and always will be.
That means being a man and sucking it up.
That's right...get over your ego.  Now.
It also means letting her take the lead in raising them.  Provide support.  Nothing more unless she tells you and her kids otherwise.  Don't try to crack the whip...that blood bond does not exist.  It will only cause resentment.
With many more special-needs kids being diagnosed these days, you will inherit all of the challenges that come with them.  Be prepared.
But you have to get all your cards on the table.  She has no problem with you being direct.  She most likely ended her first marriage in a face-to-face.  If she can survive that (and she has), she can handle anything.
Yes, even if you want to talk about having a child of your own, even though she may say she's done having babies, though the door is physically still open.
Contrary to myth, they're not the weaker sex.  They outlive us by a good five years, minimum.
You have to tell someone what you want or you don't get it.  You be direct with her, she will be direct with you.
She will not change to please you.  Nor will she expect you to change to please her...well, at least not within reason.
If you can deal with ALL of this, then you're ready.
Not some...ALL.
There's no 'halfway' on this one.  So use your head.



NEXT WEEK:  The Other Side