They say the kids suffer the most when it happens.
That's no lie.
Despite any parent's best efforts to shield their offspring from such a horrible societal reality, it always damages the children in one way or another.
The happy union of husband and wife has been divided into two very separate and distinct camps, with kids acting as 'double agents' for divorced parents of the following types:
There's the 'candyman', who lavishes the kids with money or presents to retain their love and affection and to camouflage their own guilt for poor choices that may have led to the dissolution of the union.
The psychologist...the one who 'guilts' the kids out of their feelings of affection for the other parent with phrases like 'he/she only wants you around when it's convenient', or other words to strengthen their defense.
The accountant...the one who asks the kids to peek in the checkbook, to see what they're spending money for.
The terrorist...the one who threatens the other parent by disclosing details, sometimes explicit, of the circumstances surrounding the dissolution of the union to the kids.
The investigator...the one who demands a complete start-to-finish recap from the kids of what all was said and done during a weekend visit, and if there were any 'third parties' present.
The attorney...this goes hand-in-hand with The Investigator. That's the one where the parent demands the recap from the child in writing, and ready to present to a real lawyer for leverage in demanding more money in child support or reduced visitation rights.
Any parent who uses a child as leverage to hurt a former spouse/partner needs to have his or her head examined. Unless of course, a parent commits acts that are criminal in nature or dangerous to their child.
But in most cases, this is not the case. Nonetheless, the two bickering parents cease to see each other anymore as partners and determine each other to be capital criminals.
Nothing will effectively cheat a kid out of his or her childhood more than a judgement of divorce. Why exacerbate it by tearing the child in half?
If you have a Bible handy, refer to 1 Kings 3:25. This will put it in greater perspective.
And for those of you who are 'unaffiliated', here's yours...no human being has been personal property of another in this country since December 6, 1865.
Melodramatic? Maybe.
But it's food for thought.
When I see my daughter running, jumping, playing, or even acting up to the point where I have to discipline her, I never lose sight of the fact that these are the best years of her life.
Years containing days of making friends, drawing pictures, reading her books, playing with the stuffed Minnie Mouse she's had since a baby, watching Dora the Explorer, and those giving way to the desires of a school-age child, then an adolescent, are all she should be concerned with. That, and schoolwork plus the occasional chore.
Anything more than that is simply unfair.
Fortunately, age and experience has taught me over the years that with very few exceptions, no one parent is entirely at fault for a marriage's end.
Even my own have come to accept accountability to some degree for their own failure. In an ironic twist, it has had its benefits.
It's taught me to be a better husband and father.
And every little thing I do, and don't do, affects my family.
NEXT WEEK: You Made Your Bed, now...
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