Four Decades

It's amazing...how much time you put in on this planet really makes a difference.
My wife turned 40 today.
What a difference a year makes.
It makes me reflect on how much of a difference it can make in your parenting style.
At 40, you learn not to sweat the 'small stuff'.  At 20, you go completely ballistic if your kid spills milk on the carpet.
But at 20, you have enough energy to spend on your kid to tire THEM out.  At 40, when they're ready for bed, so are you.
I'm glad I had a girl.  Because I would have had to hit the gym if my wife gave birth to a son.
Not to keep up physically so I could play with him...so I could kick his backside if he got sassy with me.
Hey, I often wondered what kept me alive all those years when my mouth overrode my sensibilities as far as my Dad was concerned.
There is some modicum of truth in the phrase 'age is just a number'.  You're only as old as you feel.
And granted, we haven't aged as quickly as we did in years past.  We learned the dangers of smoking.  We choose a glass of red wine over a six-pack.  We pick up poultry or seafood over beef in the meat department at the supermarket.
And...we've even managed to find time to exercise.  All in the name of keeping our good numbers up and our bad numbers down.
Because, as parents, we have to set a good example for our kids.
That's important.
With more children becoming afflicted with heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and other maladies, we need to show them the merits of getting and staying healthy.
We want our kids to make to milestone birthdays like these.
And beyond.
Perhaps they'll live long enough to find out that medical science has progressed to the point where living to 100 is like living to 80 today.
And that they make the most of those years.
Because this is the one shot we have on this globe.
No more.


NEXT WEEK:  Lights Out

Thanksgiving

Sometimes, we just forget to say 'thank you'.
Or maybe we've just evolved into a society where everything, and everyone, is taken for granted.
There are no random acts of kindness anymore, everything is expected of you, without regard of its benefit to you, if any.
We take many things in this life for granted.
As a child, you have to expect this to some degree.  They're small and don't know the difference between needs and wants, but yet they understand that much of their little lives are in the control of someone else, and that 'someone else' is required to do what it takes to make them happy.
Our three-year-old makes an attempt to get what she wants by making a statement, as opposed to asking.  Case in point.
Scene...the kitchen on a Friday morning, one where we're both off work at the same time.  We're sitting at the kitchen table having our coffee.  Savannah walks in.
"I want yogurt."
Simple enough request, right?
That's just it.  It's not phrased as a request, but rather, an order.
And we nip it in the bud.
"That's nice, honey."
That's when she remembers her manners.
"Please".
And maybe I'm being petty on this one, but it's not enough.
"Ask."
Sometimes I get a huff with it, but she does get it done.
"Daddy, may I please have some yogurt?"
Much better.
The answer might not always be in her favor, but we make sure to thank her for her politeness.
So many parents forget to do this for their own children.
Especially when the parents don't practice this simple act to each other.
Are we this thankless for all we have that we've ceased to practice this simple act?
On this upcoming Thanksgiving Day holiday, stop for a moment to reflect.
"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got."
Everyone has something to be thankful for.
Even those who don't have much in the way of material possessions.
I know many people who are poor in the material sense, but very wealthy in all the ways that count.
Now once again:
What are you thankful for this year?


NEXT WEEK:  Four Decades

Water Sports

I had remembered reading something in a parenting magazine that children are natural born swimmers.
The article I read concerned women who gave birth in a bathtub, with the newborn swimming to the surface after coming out of Mommy.
A little far-fetched?  I wonder.
As a child, I was fearful of the water.  But at the same time, I wasn't encouraged at an early enough age to embrace it and truly give it a chance.
My wife on the other hand, is an excellent swimmer.  Having been participating on athletic teams all through her childhood, and even into adulthood, she's been conditioned to stay in shape throughout the years.
Not to mention the fact that she grew up in a sports-loving household.  It's all about survival.
Our daughter, now three years old, has been all too eager to show us her prowess in the swimming pool this past summer.
Using water-wings, she has been able to work her arms to the point where she can navigate fairly well in the pool, when we took our annual vacation down South.
And she takes advantages to sharpen her skills in the bathtub.
I've been filling it with more water than the usual in recent weeks, just to see her practice putting her face in the water so she can swim easier.
And she loves it.
"Daddy, watch me!" she says, as she enthusiastically plunges her tiny face into the water surface.
She's good.
She gets it from her mom.
We had taken her to a 'tumbling' class (precursor to gymnastics) at our local YMCA weeks ago, but she began to show a lack of interest.  So we asked if she wanted to take swimming lessons instead.
She embraced it with all aplomb.
We emphasized that it was important for her to stay focused and pay attention, because to not do so, would mean someone getting seriously hurt.
We also emphasized that she was going to learn how to be a better swimmer, and not to play.  And it was important for her to understand that she was there to learn and listen.
She learned.  And listened.
My wife takes her to swimming lessons each Wednesday.
And I stay informed of her progress.  Each week she gets better and better.
Before long, she'll be on the school diving team, I'm sure.
And even if she isn't, that's fine too.
Learning to swim never hurt anyone.
It can actually save one's life.
Your own or perhaps another's.
And that ain't bad.


NEXT WEEK:  Giving thanks

Reading is Fundamental

You might remember the public service announcements on TV featuring the likes of Edward Asner and Carol Burnett in the 1970s promoting childhood literacy.
"Reading is thinking, learning, and growing," said Burnett.  "But a child won't read if he doesn't want to."
"Give a kid a book and you'll give a kid a break," said Asner.
One of my regular nighttime rituals is to read my three-year-old daughter two bedtime stories each night.  It has, by far, become one of her favorite pastimes.
And sometimes she wants a story, even if it's not bedtime or even close to it.
Since before she was born, my wife Margie and I began to build our collection of children's books for Savannah.
The Berenstain Bears, Peanuts, Alice in Bibleland, Sesame Street, and even a couple locally published children's books take up a cabinet in our entertainment center for Savannah's enjoyment.
We lay four books out on the Ottoman for her to choose which two she would like me to read to her.
She picks out two, and then during or after the first one, she decides to migrate from the hearth next to my recliner to my lap and snuggle.
And I don't mind that at all.
Having a Sunday through Thursday work schedule, Fridays afford me the opportunity to bond with my daughter.  This is a challenge, especially when there's work around the house that needs to be done.
But I never am too busy to read a book when she wants me to read to her.
And if I am busy, I ask her to wait a few minutes until I finish what I'm doing.
Then I go to the family room and sit in my recliner.  She sometimes keeps the chair warm for me.
Then we read together.
Sometimes we go through two or three books.
"I like it when you read to me," is what Savannah says.
Why more parents don't do this is beyond me.
It doesn't require much time or effort.  Just sitting in a comfortable chair with your child in your lap, with your words taking them to places their imaginations shape into places of fantasy.
And imagination is key.
It makes you wonder how their little minds work the way they do.
I read her one Peanuts book where Linus gives up his security blanket and goes door-to-door trying to solicit other kids with insecurity issues into accepting his method of cure.
One, a little girl, snaps Linus with her own blanket, knocking him over.
In doing so, the illustration shows the girl snapping the blanket at Linus, who falls with his feet in the air and his backside to the reader.
But this is lost on my daughter.
"He doesn't have a head," she says in her sweet little voice.
I can't help but burst into laughter.  The things they say.
I manage to compose myself long enough to explain that Linus has his head...you just can't see it in the picture because his butt's in the way.
"Oh," she says.
Then I re-test her the next time she reads it by saying "He doesn't have a head".
"He has a head," she says.  "You just can't see it cuz his butt's in the way."
A plus.
Spend time with your kid.  If you're not someone who'll get down on the floor and play with your child, you'll find that reading still fills the bill just fine.
Because they know they have your undivided attention for a few minutes.
And you'll have memories that last a lifetime.


NEXT WEEK:  Water Sports