Commencement

I'm sure all of you have heard this word at least once in your lifetime.
Often, it's incorrectly misinterpreted, especially at high school graduation ceremonies, referred to as such.
Commencement is not an ending, but simply a new beginning.
And sometimes something has to end for something else to begin.
For me, this column will end.
As of today.
You are reading the last of "Old School Dad".
For the past few years, I've shared my experiences as a new father with those willing to log on and read every Sunday on Facebook.  I've grown in my role as a parent and every day is a new learning experience for me.
As my daughter grows older, I learn to cherish more and more the moments I have with her and my wife, who's put up with me for almost seven years now.  If my wife were Catholic, I'd call upon Pope Benedict to start the beatification process for her sainthood.
I've been blessed to have an employer that understood my desire to put my family before my career.  They adjusted my workload so I could witness the 'firsts' that had I missed, I never would have gotten back.
I've been fortunate to see my daughter crawl for the first time, take her first steps, speak her first words, and go to someone else's care during the day so her mother and I could go to work.
I've had the good luck of having my story as a new father selected among thousands for a major publishing company and published in a book read worldwide and printed in several different languages.
I've also had the feeling of gratitude when I receive an email reply from someone who enjoys this column and  says that I've helped them become a better parent.
I've also had the dissatisfaction from an occasional email from what I call a "California Parent", telling me I'm too strict and restrictive in my methods.
Being a parent is something you don't really get a second chance at doing.  At least not with the same child.
"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think that whatever else you do well matters very much."
Words of wisdom from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.
As I progress in my journey as still a fairly new parent, I find that in my professional life, I tend to pay more attention to those around me who are parents or have aspirations of becoming one someday.
I see one of the DJs at the radio station I work for, eagerly anticipating the birth of his first child, sharing those thoughts he's experiencing and sharing them on his Facebook profile, and taking me up on my offer for advice after I give him a copy of one of the books in which my story is printed, as a gift.
My former co-worker, whom I would later hire as a babysitter for my daughter, suggesting to me an idea for a future column.  She has no children of her own but wants to be a mother herself someday.
A current co-worker, young, single, and childless, selflessly watching her nephew on weekends to give his parents a break, and treating my daughter at a station party like her own, asking her if she'd like a snack or something to drink, as I think about what the wonderful, kind, natural parent she will someday be, and how lucky that little one will be.
Even a business associate.  An elected official constantly generating controversy, but is insistent on shielding his family from the constant storm they have endured, but still doesn't hesitate to point out their list of accomplishments.
I see parents of all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life.  Parents and those who aspire to be parents.
Though I'm proud to be an "Old School Dad", I still have lots to learn myself.
Thus, I'm retiring this column for the purposes of 'continuing education'.  My sister column, "Ken's Korner" will also be coming to a conclusion today.
I believe that I've written all that can really be said at this stage in my life.
I can't write about children with special needs, drug or alcohol problems, or behavioral matters that come with adolescence.
Because I haven't lived it yet.
And I make a concerted effort to get my facts straight before I venture into uncharted waters.
It's refreshing to know that I have managed to help some people, especially new dads, whom, as I have, struggle to find the correct balance between family and career.
I may return to it someday, but it won't be today or in the near future.
My literary efforts will be focused on my daily journalism job, but I will be working on a novel in my spare time.
That will be my commencement.
To everyone who has supported this column for as long as they have, I wish to express my deepest, heartfelt thanks.  Your dedication to sitting down and giving me a few minutes of your time on Sundays means more to me than you will ever know.
And to my wife Margie, you inspire me more than you will ever know.  You are without a doubt, my partner, my best friend, my muse, and many other things.  Without you, there would be no "Old School Dad", because there would be no "Old School Mom" to learn from.
Until next time, Happy Trails.

The King of the Movement

This month marks the observance of  the birthday of slain civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Since the observance of Dr. King's birthday as a national holiday, which also resulted in the creation of 'President's Day' (a Reagan administration compromise), I've been concerned over our nation losing sight of this holiday as just another day off work.
Like Memorial Day, Veteran's Day, and the Fourth of July.
The only difference here is that, unless you live in a sunbelt state, you can't grill outside.
Dr. Martin Luther King has been a fixture in African-American culture for years. I have yet to meet an African-American who knows nothing of Dr. King and his contributions to modern society.
But how many children of other races are learning what they need to about it?
With many violent crimes involving mass murder these days, it's important.
Columbine.  Virginia Tech.  Gabby Giffords.  Newtown, Connecticut (which a still-recovering Giffords herself recently visited).
The aforementioned crimes were committed not by inner-city minorities, but rather suburban white kids, some from upper-middle class households.
Society tends to rush to judgment anytime there's a report of a drive-by shooting in an urban area and justify the need to flee to the suburbs (often called "White Flight").  Or a stabbing murder in the streets.  This is where racial profiling unjustly comes in.
If we look back at our own American history, we'll find that nothing could be further from the truth.
Dr. Martin Luther King adopted a policy of 'civil disobedience' as the vehicle for getting his message across. The time to end racial segregation in America had to end if our country was to move forward.
Dr. King's followers, which I will point out were BOTH black AND white, did not use guns, knives, or other weapons to make their point.  Civil disobedience on a mass scale was nothing new.  It was used in India by Mohondas Gandhi, in Cuba by Fidel Castro, and Dr. King simply brought it here.
And it brought change in all three examples.
India finally won its independence from the British.  Castro and his supporters toppled the corrupt Batista dictatorship, and Dr. King sadly, never lived to see the dream he said he had in the speech that still endures today, had finally come true.
That's not to say, however, that the fight is over.  Yet, Dr. King's mission was fought for using the weapon of  the human heart and not guns, knives, or clubs.
Change without weapons.
Not found in the Remington, Mossberg, or Dan Wesson factory.
The human heart is the ultimate weapon.
Hate.  Love.  They can be used for evil and good, respectively.
The human heart is the only weapon that can kill the spirit of evil without taking a life at the same time.
No child should ever learn hate, whether its open or hidden behind racist pejoratives.
Only love can conquer hate.  That's the ultimate weapon.
And let's look at our arsenals, shall we?
A firearm is useless without someone to pull its trigger.  Now picture that someone with hatred in their heart and evil in their mind as they pull the trigger of that firearm solely to take the life of another human being.
While Dr. King never held public office or any typical position of power, the recognition of his birth as a national holiday is well-deserved.
The civil rights movement that he's credited with championing from the mid-1950s to his death in 1968 sparked change in every corner of our country...and the world.
While I could name several examples, for the sake of space, I can be summarize it by the EEOC announcement you see on a TV station ID every now and again.
"WXXX is an equal opportunity employer, and employs without regard to race, color, age, sex, religion or national origin."
Oh, and don't forget that guy presently in the White House, now serving his second term.  As the country's first black President, you know a woman in the Oval Office is just around the corner.
We have more federal protections in place that protect civil rights now than in any other time in our nation's history.
We're a better nation because of it.  Is there more work to be done?  Always.
This is what we can't lose sight of as we observe Dr. King's birthday.  Along with those others who took part in the fight for civil rights in this country.
The Susan B. Anthonys.  The Harvey Milks.  The Cesar Chavezes.  The list goes on and on.
And more names will be added.
But that's up to us.  And the next generation.  And the generations to follow.


NEXT WEEK:  The End

Resolutions

Fast away the old year passes, fa-la-la-la-la...you get the idea.
You've made New Year's resolutions yourself, and you've broken them many times over.
Lose weight, save more, work harder, try and accomplish some other goals, they run the gamut.
But how many of you make them for your kid?
Do an annual review of your child's progress.
Seriously.
What are some of the accomplishments your child has made, developmentally, in the past year?
And how could they get better?
Our daycare center, sanctioned by the YMCA, does this.
At an informal conference just before Christmas, the center's director, spoke to me and my wife about our child's progress.
She meets the average in almost every category, and those that she doesn't, she's 'advanced'.
That does make me feel good.  But when we get to the more formal sit-down one, I can't help but be anxious about the details.  Where is she advanced?
Not that I'm obsessed about it.  My wife and I have worked very hard to make sure she's a step ahead of other kids, if we can do it.
We've never engaged in 'baby talk' or tried to talk down to her.  We've tried to raise her under the premise, 'if you want to be treated like a grown-up, act like one'.
We played her Baby Einstein classical music for her when she was a baby as a means to lull her to sleep, and   she had the Baby Einstein Beethoven DVD, and did watch go through her Sesame Street stages.
And she's outgrown that fairly quickly.  Even her interest in Dora the Explorer is fading.
Though she has lots of toys, she's shown a preference for electronic devices.  She owns an InnoTab and V-Reader, and plays with those so much that if I didn't buy an AC adapter, we'd have to buy stock in Ray-O-Vac.
Despite these advances, she has a tendency to regress.
She expressed an interest in Max and Ruby lately, and not having ever seen the show, I thought nothing of it. But one day I did happen to watch it in passing.
If you're not familiar, it's a Canadian-produced show that airs on American cable TV, aimed at preschoolers. Max and Ruby are brother and sister rabbits, with Max communicating in a series of gestures and noises, occasionally forming one or two word sentences, but very seldom a complete one.
After Savannah, who normally speaks with a very clear vocabulary and can out-talk some adults I know, began making gestures and noises, rather than words, my wife and I became concerned.
Then we told her one day that we would not talk to her unless she talked to us like a big girl.
She responded by referencing that she was pretending to be Max.
After this revelation, I paid more attention to the show, with it becoming evident to me that she was clearly imitating one of the titular characters.  While I have no desire to stifle our child's imagination, I do see this programming as counterproductive to my daughter's development, as she had communicated exceptionally well up to this point.
So my New Year's resolution for Savannah is to eliminate Max and Ruby from her TV habits, and Margie's contribution is to reduce her TV viewing habits altogether and encourage more active play with her toys.
Not that she watches a lot, but we don't want her planning her life around TV shows.
And we sure won't teach her how to use the DVR...like we do.


NEXT WEEK:  Long Live the King